On having children:
- Why is my food/drink/cookie always better than their food/drink/cookie?
- Why do toddlers take off their diapers in order to pee on the floor?
- Why, if kids don’t understand they are going potty, do they find a nice, quiet place to make a puddle? Such as in the middle of the snake sculpture at the mall play area in front of several dozen spectators?
- Why can’t the first outfit be the one they want to wear?
- Why is mama’s bed always softer and more comfortable?
- Why do kids need to come in while you’re peeing and talk about the weather/school/what’s on t.v.?
- How can a kid stick a finger into his/her own poop, yet be unwilling to eat a sandwich with a bite taken out of it?
- How come personal hygiene (tooth brushing, flossing, nail-trimming, hair cutting, etc) becomes so much more important at bedtime than when you’d like to get it done some other time during the day?
- Why are couch cushions integral to having a fun time? What about that Star Wars set I bought at Christmas for $49 that’s sitting in the closet still?
- What’s so wrong with green stuff? Do kids come pre-programmed to reject vegetables?
- How do kids know the moment you sit down to cuddle with your spouse? Are they equipped with radar?
- Why do young children get up early but teenagers sleep in? Is this God’s cruel trick on parents?
- What do parents in Africa do without macaroni and cheese?
- How come a child can run around for 30 minutes in a playground, yet be unable to walk 30 feet to the car?
- Why, despite all these things, are kids still cute when they’re asleep?
