I get a lot of traffic to this blog because of my pictures of Maya’s cleft lip and resulting surgery. I also confess to being overly emotional (read: completely nuts) when I found out about it because I was so terribly afraid. Would I spend time reading up on cleft lips and palates if my child didn’t have one? Probably not. However, it has been a year since Maya’s surgery, and I’d like to post a before and after photo here so you can see how amazingly beautiful she is (I am totally not biased).
Here she is before surgery:
This is about six months later:
And this is her, two weeks ago:
As you can see, the scar has really faded and can hardly be seen. Most people don’t notice it at all; they ask if she got a scratch, if at all. Her nose seems to be growing just fine and isn’t flat or strangely misshapen. Her left nostril isn’t quite as symmetrical as her right, but I hardly think it will be an issue. She has become a beautiful, fierce, active toddler who is very strong-minded and very, very loving. She walks as if she owns the world and I am so glad to be blessed with such a strong child.
However, that being said, not all parents look at cleft lips or palates this way, particularly those for whom it would hold a strong social stigma, or who could not afford the surgery. Recently a Chinese woman recorded aborting her six-month old fetus because of a small cleft; the response was world-wide, with even those defending abortion stating that aborting a fetus for such a small and fixable defect overwhelmingly reproachable.
However, the reality of the lack of surgery for clefts world-wide is appalling. I was talking to a friend last weekend about Chinese orphanages and the number of babies who starve to death because of cleft palates. Of course I said, “Don’t they use Habermann feeders?” and she said, “We were lucky to have a bottle, half the time we had to feed them with a spoon.” Of course I started looking around the Internet to see if anyone was addressing this problem, and I came across GlobalGiving.com’s site for cleft lip and palate repair for Chinese orphans.
I know there are groups, such as Smiles, that provide cleft surgery for impoverished children and orphans in Mexico, that are also wonderful and can always use support. The SmileTrain is another charity that operates worldwide (caution: very scary cleft picture). I also have to say a huge thank you to the Shriners, who offered to pay for Maya’s cleft surgery for us (luckily our insurance covered it).
I cannot imagine having an abortion because of Maya’s cleft, but I cannot condemn this woman either – it is not my place to do such a thing. I know it is easy to point a finger and say, but a cleft lip is so minor and so fixable! And that is the honest truth. It is. But I know that even I became depressed and suicidal during my pregnancy and had to take depression medication. My problem was that, what with all the hormones and such that pregnancy brings, I “borrowed trouble” and expected the worst. I was afraid Maya had a chromosomal defect and would not live out her first birthday, and to me death seemed preferable to watching my baby die slowly over the course of several months. I know this was not reasonable – we were not able to do the testing for chromosomal abnormalities because of risk and timing – and I did not know if she would be healthy or not. The uncertainty is what put me over the edge. Luckily I had a good doctor who understood and put me on the safest antidepressants available pretty much immediately. I also had the option of going out of the city to get the best surgeon I could find for Maya. I was lucky and blessed to have good insurance, good advice and a warm and loving family to support me.
I grieve for those women who choose to end the lives of their own children because of a birth defect (or for any other reason, really). Their pain must be a terrible burden. The first time I held Maya in my arms was breathtaking. I could never give that moment away, not for anything, because it was probably the best moment of my entire life — knowing she was healthy, knowing she was safe. She was beautiful then, and she’s beautiful now. She will always be my beautiful baby girl, and I thank God I have the opportunity to be in her life.
