Misheru

Tonight, while reading Judith Warner’s column online in the New York Times, I stumbled onto an article she had written a few weeks ago called “Families to Care About.” The gist of the article was that the economic downturn has mostly affected the poor and middle classes, but that coverage was primarily of upper-class hardships. It was a nice article, but the comments about stay-at-home mothers (who had to go back to work) by readers actually made my stomach churn:

There is nothing new in the news media providing a slanted perspective on gender roles. Over-coverage of kept wives and under-coverage of the working poor generates more interest, if not sells more papers – who wants to read about people being miserable and having to work their fingers raw? It’s a (journalistic) upper-class version of People and Star magazines.

That being said – I have zero respect for women who chose voluntarily to give up careers to be their husbands’ housekeepers. If they aren’t bored stiff, they clearly have a lack of intellectual aptitude – which is perhaps why hubby selected them in the first place. A nice contrast is Laura Bush vs. Hilary Clinton or Michelle Obama. Enough said.

Who says such a thing? Zero respect? That men and women who stay at home are stupid? This is ridiculous, and criticizing people’s choices like this really is stupid. And here’s the other side:

“Message: It’s the quality, not the quantity of time you spend with your children that counts.”

Here we go again. You, the feminists, and the day-care mafia/apologists have been waiting for this for a while, haven’t you?

While this statement is literally true (to a degree; it’s hard to get quality without quantity), the spirit of the statement is obviously means “sleep easy at night without guilt” for leaving your kids in day care. If you want to have a child, raise it yourself and have your partner/spouse/family member help you if you want. Don’t have a child to put them out to pasture in a reverse retirement home.

It still amazes me that these sorts of debates are still going on. How many years will we have to live with this kind of judgmental culture about parenting? And what, exactly, makes work so stimulating? I mean, honestly, which uses my mind more: fixing the mechanical problem with my car at home, or stamping books at work? I don’t sit at home and mop floors (just ask Marti). I read, and think, and fix all sorts of problems, and do paperwork, and yes, sometimes I clean and cook too, but to make the assumption that work = stimuli and home = t.v. is crazy to me. And the guy who is criticizing women for using daycare misses the point: the workforce no longer pays enough for single income families to keep up, and most women don’t use daycare as a “choice.” To vilify people for using childcare is just as stupid as vilifying women for staying at home.

Journalists, friends, countrymen: the Mommy Wars now need to officially end. Each party should lay down their weapons, give their kids a hug, and get over it.