When I was in college, a supervisor used to constantly tell me, “Missy, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself a break.” Ten years later I am finally coming to terms with this: I treat myself like shit. A lot.
The last six weeks have been extremely stressful. First, my supervisor at work left. Then I interviewed for a part-time position. I was offered the part-time position and took it, which meant leaving my job, training new staff, etc. Both kids have been sick off and on, as have I. Simultaneously our oven has broken, our car windows stopped rolling down, a pipe in the backyard sprang a leak, I accidentally broke our front window, Maya has been teething and I discovered I missed all the deadlines for Ben’s school next year.
I am almost nervous to say it, but — what next?
This on top of Ben’s 5th birthday, the two types of termites eating our house and other issues. This on top of the birthday parties for other children, group outings, trips, guests, diets…
I have been berating myself because I haven’t been sticking to my diet, and because I am exhausted all the time I don’t feel like running. I am running a race this Sunday and it is going to kick my ass.
If you could get inside my head, you would hear a drill sergeant barking orders and chastising me for not being perfect. I have to wonder; is everyone else like this? And how do I tell the drill sergeant to take a hike and give me a break?
Today I finally just forgave myself for not getting things done and not exercising and for eating that entire box of girl scout cookies (sorry Marti!) and you know what? I fixed part of the car and got a plumber out to look at our pipe (the entire line is going to have to be replaced — ouch!).
There are still termites, the window is still broken and my room is full of laundry, but I discovered something new this week — the ability to forgive myself. Let’s see if I can do it again, and maybe get that laundry folded…
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