Yesterday a woman came into the library with her two grandsons. She had a warm, sweet voice, and was very gentle with her grandsons. She came in to challenge me with a very difficult reference question that, in actuality, was for her oldest grandson’s science project. In addition to being that cool, she was beautiful. Regally, majestically beautiful, with high cheekbones and full lips and perfect, straight teeth. I was a little bit in awe of her.
She was also black.
Today, after much researching, I called her to pick up the articles I’d found, and was delighted to talk with her. She was very concerned about her grandsons, and we talked about schools and education and the best ways to keep young people out of trouble. We talked about science and English and the ways of children. We talked about life. And I listened to her, because everything in her manner bespoke of intelligence and patience and a deep love for those around her.
I’m from Idaho. Does the name of that state make you react? For many people it does. The Aryan Nation had its headquarters in Coeur D’Alene Idaho for many years. I went to Gonzaga University, another very monoracial place (despite the brochures). I know plenty of racists, whether they are well-meaning or otherwise.
Racism is a product of culture shock. I truly believe this. Many African-American families grow up differently. Studies show we watch different movies, listen to different music, have different attitudes toward life and marriage and work — well, everything. I experienced racism, both good and bad, when I lived in Japan. People thought I was amazing because I was white. People thought I was evil because I was white. People thought George Bush, the Columbine shootings, WWII, American occupation, (insert anything here) was my fault or that I had the answer because I was white. “Please write an essay why Columbine happened in America,” was one request. After 8 pages I stopped trying.
Color irregularities exist in many species. Homo sapiens are the only species I know of stupid enough to make it an issue.
That woman today was beautiful, with ebony skin and soft gray hair and the most beautiful eyes. I did feel something about her appearance, about her smooth dark skin and sweet smile. That feeling, despite the fact that she’s 20 years my senior, was envy.
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