Abuela

Maria Dolores Martinez

1918 - 2006

We lost our Abuela last Tuesday. She died of a sudden, massive heart attack while sitting on the front porch, watering her flowers in the early morning light. She was a beautiful, elegant and graceful woman who had four children, two of whom are still living. She could make roses grow in the desert and her knowledge of native foods and cures was impressive. She was a tiny woman; at barely five feet, she still commanded everyone and was, in many ways, the queen of her small circle.

Marti and I were in Boston when we heard the news, and I became so stressed I had a major anxiety attack. We wanted to get Marti and Ben home, but nothing seemed to work. Finally we just threw money at the whole situation, and we flew Ben and Marti’s sister home on Thursday, and Marti home on Friday. I kept to the original schedule, which meant I missed the funeral. It was terribly hard but I knew Marti needed to be with his family to grieve Abuela’s death and share memories of her life. Some things are worth the money. *note: Abuela herself had saved up money for her funeral and any expenses, and so we ended up not having to pay anything at all in the end. Just another lovely, wonderful Abuela-thing that she did for us, even in death.

A couple hundred people showed up for the funeral, and more came in the days before and after to pay their respects to the family. Abuela was a devout convert to the Jehovah’s Witness church, but she was also a very kind and generous person who willingly mothered or grandmothered dozens of people, including myself. I never knew my maternal grandmother and my paternal grandmother had 27 grandkids, so I never had that “feed you ’til you burst” grandmother in my life until I met Abuela. She was always careful about her appearance and many people commented that she always looked perfect and smelled of a particular perfume. It was just the way she was. She was a lovely seamstress and last year she couldn’t find a shirt that would match her skirt, so she sat down and made one — just like that.

We moved here to be near her and Tata, who passed away 3 years ago. I am glad Ben got to know her, as she was a very unique woman and he adored her. Of course, she also used to give him chocolate and coffee and raw sugar when he was a baby, the sort of thing a small child never forgets.

When she died, I said that she probably shopped someone into the ground the day before. Actually, she didn’t. She shopped someone into the ground three days before, on Saturday, then rested Sunday and Monday and passed away suddenly on Tuesday. But I was pretty close. She had so much energy, I could never keep up with her. Her passion for life and her youth — in many ways, she was “younger” than me — will be missed. Greatly.

Her death was a terrible shock and of course it made our experience in Boston much different than it might have been. We often stopped to cry, for example, or to yell at the airlines. Marti left early so we didn’t have a lot of time to see the sights. We did spend Thursday morning and Thursday evening visiting the Freedom trail and MIT, respectively, so I will try to post pictures as soon as I get some decent sleep.

So that was the tragedy I mentioned in my earlier post. Sorry about the cliff hanger, but I just didn’t have it in me to blog what was happening. I will post my Boston experiences when I get the pictures up — again, after I get some sleep.

Until then, remember Abuela.