Alright, fine, I’ll tell you about Randy the Astronaut of Color.
I have been eating a lot of chocolate. One, I am pregnant, and two, it’s the holidays. Chocolate is everywhere — on my desk at work, on other people’s desk at work, inside stockings and gifts — you can’t escape it. I eat it to make it go away, and more surfaces. So, the other day, after consuming a large amount of chocolate, I turn to my husband and say, “You know, I think this baby’s going to come out half chocolate.” My husband tries to keep a straight face as long as he can, then he cracks up. You see, my husband is Hispanic with dark hair and my hair is kind of medium brown, and our first child came out blond-haired and blue-eyed (his eyes turned brown later), which started a lot of jokes about “Ben’s daddy.” Some people get really horrified that we joke about it, which I also find kind of funny.
Anyway, so Marti says to me, “Half chocolate, eh? Anything you’d like to share with me?” And I give him a puzzled look. I mean, I am talking about food here, and I’m pregnant, so non-food-related conversations always puzzle me. So Marti says, “Met any handsome black men lately?” and I still look puzzled. “Half-chocolate?” he says again. Suddenly I get it. I give him a stern look and he cracks up again. “Who would think such a thing!” I say. “Everyone,” Marti replies.
So I ask my dad, and he basically says the same thing — not that my dad (bless him) is the most racially sensitive guy in the world. Anyway, so Marti continues to torment me about it.
So another day I (ahem!) comment on Marti being “Randy,” (Note: everyone thinks Marti is so innocent and sweet, which is all a lie) a word that I love to use because it just sounds so foul to me. And so funny. I mean, it’s right up there with Peter…the name of an angel, or… You know, I love these idiosyncrasies in the English language. But Marti, being himself, says, “Who’s Randy?” and of course I roll my eyes. So then my retort comes to me, plain as day, and I say, “He’s the handsome black man.” Which cracks Marti up.
I will never understand men.
And now, to explain the astronaut part:
Ben has a hard time keeping presents a secret, so Marti has been coaching him on replies to give me when I ask (pry, manipulate, extort) what Ben and Daddy got for Mommy. So Ben has a variety of “set” replies, including a small thing, a secret thing, a house thing…and an astronaut. I guess he came up with the astronaut thing himself. So I ask Marti, “Is the astronaut’s name, by any chance, Randy?”
Which, of course, cracked him up again.
And now you know the whole boring story. Feel better?
