So I’m trying to pick up some freelance jobs via a freelance job website because of course I am an English major and I have no discernible skills, other than picking my nose. Oh, and writing, I guess. It always irritates me when someone “clips” a job for me, as, say, administrative assistant. I mean, here’s a job where I basically run an office, and they respond by paying me about $7.00 an hour, if I’m lucky. I hate that people demean me by clipping out such jobs for me, but then I have to apply for them anyway. The sad thing is, Starbucks pays better, and you get the perk of smelling fresh coffee and pastries all day, but the part where you tell your friends that you went to a private university and now work at Starbucks is hard.
Really, though AA jobs are the blight of liberal arts majors. I mean, walk into a recruiting office sometime and say you majored in “history” or “women’s studies” or “psychology,” and they hear “Woh woh woh woh woh administrative assistant.” You think, “Program Coordinator” (nope, need a MPA degree) or “Technical Liason” (nope, need to know how to turn on a computer), but they think, “Administrative Assistant.” Come on, people, let’s cut the liberal buzzword bullshit: it means secretary. As does “Executive Assistant” and “Office Administrator.” Those are just words to woo unwary liberal arts majors (in women’s studies) who graduated expecting to get paid a semi-decent salary. And yes, I know tons of people who’ve started out in those jobs and gone on to high-powered careers (okay, one person, but that’s still something, right?).
But let’s get back on subject here: freelance writing. The nice thing about freelance writing is that it isn’t secretarial work. The bad thing about it is that it pays just about as well. I love sifting through the ads, “Need master’s degree in creative writing to write 16,000 word piece as ghostwriter. No credit or byline given, willing to pay up to $150 plus one free copy of book.” Okay, I’m exagerrating, but only slightly. In reality, you might only get the book. But, at least you can tell your friends you’re a “freelance writer.” It sounds cool, in a poverty-stricken kind of way.
I mean, after all, that’s why we go to college, isn’t it? To spark the creative genius? Tons of people (okay, three) told me that majoring in English was a good idea because “it broadens your horizons, and employers really want people who can think outside the box.” Yeah, right, think outside the box at $7.00 an hour while answering phones. Do I sound bitter? But sure, yes, creative genius is great — you just have to get your friend or say, brother, who has an associate’s degree and makes triple your annual salary to pay for your coffee. And possibly your mortgage. But the creative genius is all worth it, right? Right? *Sigh* Well, just clips me some ads, then. And be quiet about it, genius.
