Bye-Bye Habibi

Yes, tonight it is good-bye to 10 full days of Arabic class. I leave my class knowing important words like “handkerchief” and “male neighbor,” but my early departure means I will never know strategic phrases like “piss off” and “that’s my breast and your hand shouldn’t be there,” which I have always found crucial when traveling in foreign countries. The reasons for my departure are deep and varied, but I’d like to use a time-honored excuse used by college students dropping classes the world round: the professor is a complete lunatic. Yes, yes, I’m now sure he is a serial killer or a Wal-Mart shopper in his free time, and I just can’t take that kind of risk anymore. I have a child. It’s definitely the professor, because I certainly did not take the fact that he assigned us 35 pages of homework for the weekend into consideration. Not at all. But anyway, folks, now I have plenty of free time to finish my novel, study for the foreign exam, start my non-profit organization and paint my house. This spring is going to be a real piece of cake, male neighbor.