One of the financial blogs I read directed me to this article about older, divorced women, and I found it breathtaking. Having witnessed many of my elders (my aunt, best friend’s mother, among others) go through this exact scenario, I realized that it explains, to the letter, what I think is missing from so much “discussion” of working mothers vs. SAHMs. The financial aspects of staying home for long periods with children can be very devastating for women, but women must also endure a lot of criticism for putting a child in daycare, so there’s really no winning this battle. A lot of discussion goes on about the “ideology” of both courses, but the truth is that it is a narrow path for anyone to navigate.
From “Paradise Lost”, NYTimes
…In subsequent years I lectured on the rewards of homemaking and housewifery. While others tried to make the case that women like me were parasites and little more than legalized prostitutes, I spoke to rapt audiences about the importance of being there for your children as they grew up, of the satisfactions of “making a home,” preparing family meals and supporting your hard-working husband.So I was predictably stunned and devastated when, on our 40th wedding anniversary, my husband presented me with a divorce. I knew our first anniversary would be paper, but never expected the 40th would be papers, 16 of them meticulously detailing my faults and flaws, the reason our marriage, according to him, was over.
I appreciate Terry Hekker’s forthright honesty and her confession that her first book, applauding the choice to be a full-time homemaker, was, at least in her case, overly optimistic. It brings up another element to the discussion about motherhood, and whether or not feminism has truly helped mothers (it does appear to help single women). Food for thought…
