Archive for » May, 2007 «

Moving, and yet unable to move

Ha! It’s a pun.

Okay, I’m really tired.

Marti and I just moved all of our furniture plus many, many boxes of things I’m not sure were worth the lifting. It’s amazing how the things that are worth so much to you (oh, look at this sweet card I got from a friend in 1996!) become less and less valuable as time goes on (Ben’s first baby shoes? Can’t fit another damn thing in this box of children’s clothing, sweetheart).

Right now my feet are excruciatingly painful (“Marti, could you just hammer a nail into the sole of my left foot to distract me from the pain in my right?” “Not being overdramatic are you?” “Of course not!”). My back — painful. Shoulders — painful. Legs — painful. In fact, the only thing not currently painful are my elbows and the bridge of my nose. Oh, and my earlobes.

This comes from the syndrome known as “doing nothing more than push the mouse around while playing WOW” until suddenly moving 50+ pound boxes for 12…straight…hours. And the next day, doing it again.

I am such a freaking wimp. I mean, I can run, that’s fine, but if I had to ever become, say, a farmgirl? I would fall over in a minute. This doesn’t seem right. I grew up in Idaho, for Pete’s sake.

Anyway, the good news is that we’ve moved. The bad news is Matt? After I clean my house, can you come over to really clean it? Because you’re the cleanest human I know next to my dear older brother, who is too far away to come scrutinize the underside of my kitchen table or check whether or not the couch is precisely 2 inches from the wall in the middle and on both the ends. Heaven forbid the couch not sit equidistant from the wall in all areas! Regardless, a flight for my brother would be too expensive, besides the fact that I might have to stick a sharp implement in my eye if I let him in my house. His anal retentiveness goes a little too far (“Hey, this wall was crooked so I just knocked it out and now the floor doesn’t fit flush so I just pulled it up…”).

We signed on with a realtor and must have the house ready in two weeks. Two weeks! I am calling on my plebian roots to give me the strength. I’m sure my ancestors pulled plows, and surely that kind of strength will surface soon.

Right?

While I’m waiting for it to surface, I plan to stretch by pushing the buttons of the remote. And looking up numbers for movers…for next time.

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I, personally, fly my flag upside down all the time

I plan to add this to my List of Reasons Never to Live in Utah (from the Daily Herald):

Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, had submitted a resolution warning that Satan’s minions want to eliminate national borders and do away with sovereignty.

In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants “hate American people” and “are determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won’t do.”

Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to “destroy Christian America” and replace it with “a godless new world order — and that is not extremism, that is fact,” Larsen said.

At the end of his speech, Larsen began to cry, saying illegal immigrants were trying to bring about the destruction of the U.S. “by self invasion.”

Republican officials then allowed speakers to defend and refute the resolution. One speaker, who was identified as “Joe,” said illegal immigrants were Marxist and under the influence of the devil. Another, who declined to give her name to the Daily Herald, said illegal immigrants should not be allowed because “they are not going to become Republicans and stop flying the flag upside down. … If they want to be Americans, they should learn to speak English and fly their flag like we do.”

Senator Howard Stephenson, R-Draper, spoke against the resolution, saying Larsen, whom he called a “true patriot and a close friend,” was embarrassing the Republican Party.

The best part of the discussion (not quoted here, but is in the full-text article here) was how the “liberal media” only reports corruption in the Republican Party but the Democrats! They’re corrupt too! They do it too! And that makes it…
Still.
Wrong.
Notice there were no protestations that the Republican Party was not corrupt. How very…enlightening.

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What Happens After Five Six Years of Marriage

What Who Would You Do For A Klondike Bar…

“I saved you the last Klondike bar.”
“Wow! That’s really sweet of you.”
“But you have to sleep with me.”
“I always sleep with you.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Oh, you mean sleep with you. Or what?”
“I eat the last Klondike Bar.”
“You’ll eat that last Klondike, eh?”
“Yeah. You have to sleep with me or the Klondike Bar gets it.”
“Whatever. I’m supposed to be on a diet anyway.”

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At a loss

Can I tell you? I am still in the nightmare of packing and sorting. Thank you to all who have offered to help (we will be taking you up on it!) but some things I and only I can do, and that includes sorting and deciding what to keep. After yesterday, however, I did decide to make my life a teensy bit easier by eliminating one category of box — that of “things to sell.”

I spent at least a week painstakingly going through clothing, which I put into “keep, give away, sell” boxes and yesterday, between wanting to sit on my couch and feeling poor, I packed up all of our items to sell. We’ve been pouring money into fixing things up (on top of paying both a mortgage and rent) and I was so broke I couldn’t make a credit card payment. On top of that, we watched The Pursuit of Happyness Wednesday night and I was forever visualizing having to sleep on the bathroom floor of the public library on paper towels with my children if we didn’t get some cash coming in. So, feeling thrifty, I took some things around to sell. This is what mommies who only work part-time do, right? They are thrifty. They find cute little things to sell and keep the household afloat.

I went to Buffalo Kids first, which is a local used-clothing chain, and brought my small box of baby clothes in. “Is this all you have?” the lady asked, rather ominously. “Yes,” I replied. She sorted through the clothes (and an occasional adult clothing item) in about 30 seconds, put them all back, and told me, “I’m sorry, we can’t use any of these things.” “Oh,” I said. “Well, what sort of things are you looking for?” “Light, cotton, cute items,” she said. I held up a beautiful light, cotton pink dress that Maya had grown out of. “Like this?” I said. She sighed, as if she was so tired of dealing with these people, these people who wanted to sell her their used crap and said, “There’s a stain on it. In fact, all these things are stained.” “Stained?” I reply. She points to a miniscule purple dot hiding amongst the flower pattern. “Stained,” she says. “Mothers don’t buy stained clothes, particularly baby clothes.” Oh, okay, I think, trying to keep a straight face. I am remembering all the stained things I have bought from the Salvation Army and taken home to “save.” I am remembering picking stained clothing out of the trash bin in college and using my roommate’s fabulous stain remover on it (I still have a cashmere sweater from this era). But, saying nothing, I nod and pick up the box with one hand and Maya in the other and take my stained, dirty, white-trash self out to my stained, dirty white-trash Ford that is missing one hubcap. The woman does not so much as offer to hold the door as I balance my infant and box of stained, rejected clothing that, a few weeks earlier, I had been proudly dressing my daughter in (while saying of course, “That there dress done looks real good, honey, dontcha think?). I gritted my teeth and determined I would never shop there again (while grasping my bag containing an adorable summer outfit for Maya and a Ralph Lauren baby swimsuit. Stain-free, of course). The nerve. I had even taken out the things that had been explosively pooped on or had mysterious brown stains on it. I only had fancy stains on the clothes in this box, like applesauce and prune babyfood. In my world, that’s hardly a stain — that’s character. But Buffalo Kids, apparently, is not into “character.”

So, I went to the next store — Bookmans — also a local chain that sells used books. I again carry Maya in one arm and a large box of books precariously in the other. It takes 15 minutes for them to go through my box of books, from which they select four books. “You can take $17 credit for books, $10 credit for CDs or tapes, or $4 cash,” they declare. Since the last thing I want is to bring more books into my house, I take the cash.

I go to the next place, Twice as Nice, another local used clothing store, and again I balance baby and boxes and again I wait 15 minutes while they go through things. They are nicer here, and they do take some clothes, offering me $2.50 in cash or $5 in trade. I take the trade this time and use it to pay for 2 shirts that actually fit me.

Now I still have 2 full boxes of “stuff” to get rid of, so I get it to the car (the lady behind the counter actually helped me carry the boxes and opened the doors for me) and so I go look for a drop-off. After driving around for about 20 minutes in 90 degree heat, I can’t find where to drop the boxes off for the thrift stores closest to my house. I go home, drop the boxes by the curb, and look for a pen to write “free” on the side. I can’t find a pen. Finally I take off to pick up Ben from preschool.

By this time I am angry and frustrated, so instead of spending the afternoon packing, I go to a coffee shop and spend $9.

My totals for my trouble?
$4 cash plus $5 trade = $9, minus $3 in gas, $8.52 in shirts, $9 in comfort food, and $8.99 for two completely unstained baby outfits.

Total: -$20.51, not counting an entire wasted day.

I’ve decided that the Salvation Army? It is a deal. Giving them my crap not only eliminates other people going through my things in front of me, it saves me $10 a box.

Giving to charity never felt better.

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